Decisions – the pain of making them … how well we know it. We crave clarity.  We know deep down that we do not have all the answers. 

We make bad decisions based on a hunch or worse still on an impulse. And so a relationship that had a future is ended rashly or we have killed an opportunity by procrastinating too long - again!  We know that how we feel is not the best guide for a decision that needs to be made!

Firstly, seek advice

Someone who decides wisely is someone who seeks advice. This is not because they would rather someone make the decision for them but to use them as a sounding board – after they have thought about the pros and cons first themselves. Most bad decisions come from not having taken advice into account before making a decision. We can’t see all the angles in every situation. An objective outsider is often the best person to help us future proof a decision.   

So, who to ask for advice? Seeking advice from the right kind of person – someone who makes good decisions themselves is key. Someone we trust. Someone who holds themselves accountable and so will probably help us to hold ourselves accountable. In other words, someone who has core values and is not afraid to suffer for them – a person of integrity and not a crowd pleaser.

We very much need people in our lives who can give sound advice, advice that is not biased nor cold, empathetic but not emotional. A good friend, a relative (not too close to the action), a wise person, a colleague for instance.

Secondly, reflect carefully

Our decisions have an impact on the lives of others. We know this deep down.

Hence, the importance of not rushing important decisions. Procrastination is a good thing – provided it does not become a mode of avoidance. To judge well we need to create space for reflection to ponder our decisions. 

We need time taken out of work, socialising and other activities where we face a blank piece of paper and work on our decisions and not leave them for the random spur of the moment! These are spaces of time that are intentional. Or worse the “daisy picking” phenomena - “he loves me … he loves me not”... Keeping calm and peaceful is essential - since if we are calm we can think, study the pros and cons, examine the outcome of our actions. 

Some of us find this harder than others – but it is within our reach to develop the skill to decide, to judge. It is part of the rational capacity we were born with as humans – to develop a critically thinking mind.  Not everything is the same no matter your opinion! Slavery was a hot topic in the 18th century.  But not everyone chose well in this matter back then, as we know so well unfortunately …

We know that if two people disagree about something fundamental they both cannot be right.  Critical thinking; that is, weighing up the facts, measuring the arguments against solid core values, is the best compass to arrive at the safe port of the right decision.

Finally, make a sound judgement

Judging should come quickly - once we have weighed up all factors to be considered. This is not the same as a perfect decision, such decisions don’t exist. Remember, not everyone will agree with your decisions and that does not make it wrong!

We may have heard the saying that “important matters should wait and very urgent matters should always wait”.  A good judge is to know in each case what course to take, and then to set about it without hesitation.  At times it would be rash not to carry out a decision immediately once it is clear what needs to be done. 

Fear of failure or being unpopular is never a good reason not to decide. How to avoid this?  … Aristotle tells us that “as a person is a person sees” – we need to keep our compass well focused - discovering core values or first principles - the food of good decisions!  We can never feed ourselves enough on core values!  They are the source of good decisions.  We read them and we act them out in our daily lives - we hold ourselves accountable. 

Aristotle, Socrates, St Thomas Aquinas lead us along the path of Core Values and of course to top it off a good teacher and a patient, sound friend to accompany us in our journey….