Are you emotionally intelligent?

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We’re probably all familiar with the phrase but how many of us take the time to think about what our emotional intelligence might be? It’s been suggested that our emotional intelligence is even more important than our IQ especially when it comes to our relationships with others.

What is emotional intelligence?

In basic psychology, emotional intelligence means that you can name the emotion you’re experiencing but also that you can understand and manage them. Lacking emotional intelligence means we don’t know our own emotions or even what we’re really feeling when we experience them. A consequence of this means that we don’t understand how our emotions can influence our behaviour. We might then find ourselves then blindly acting on emotion rather than taking the time to reflect and be more deliberate in our response.

The good news is that we can develop and grow in our emotional intelligence and in fact doing so, will not only help us to understand ourselves better, but others too.

Here are 5 questions you can ask to gauge what your level of emotional intelligence:

1. Are you self aware?

We need to be able to recognise our emotions in order to manage them. And the more we can understand about our emotions and feelings, the better equipped we will be for dealing with them.. We will be better able to understand where exactly the emotion is coming from and not blame others or the circumstances for what we’re feeling. We’ll also be in a better position to recognise how our emotions can affect others.

2. Can you regulate your own emotions?

One step up from being able to recognise our emotions and what makes us feel the way we do, is the ability to handle them or ‘regulate.’ We all know what it’s like to see a screaming toddler on the floor when an emotion completely overwhelms them. They’re still learning how to manage and deal with what they’re feeling. We can be the same as well! We might not be having a tantrum on the supermarket floor but we might snap, become irritable, lose our cool or say something we shouldn’t. Being able to regulate our emotions means we have developed the ability to think before we react; to be able to pause and take a minute to calm ourselves before we end up using that emotion in a destructive way. One way to work on this is to recognise the signs in ourselves when we’re about to lose our cool.

3. What’s your motivation?

Very often we might find ourselves going through the day with very little thanks for the efforts we have made - whether it’s in work, in our relationships, or in our homes. It is important to receive recognition and thanks when due but always desiring praise and accolades for what we do could be a sign that we haven’t really developed a proper motivation. If, on the other hand, we keep doing what we do because we know internally that it’s the right thing to do, then that’s a sign of a much greater emotional intelligence.

4. Can you show empathy?

The ability to show empathy and compassion for others is a good sign of emotional intelligence. Being able to understand the emotions of others and to empathise with them is a way of building deeper relationships with others. When we understand the emotions of others, we’re in a much better position to help them and respond to what they need.

5. What are your social skills like?

In our day to day life, we can find ourselves dealing with a diverse range of people and situations, perhaps many of them requiring very different responses. Having a higher emotional intelligence enables us to develop a rapport with a whole range of personalities and to deal with many different scenarios both in work and family life.

What do you think about your level of emotional intelligence? In what ways can you grow and improve?