Is it worth keeping up with the Jones’?
“Don’t compare yourself to other people”. This is something we hear very often but I believe are all guilty of it in some way. I know I certainly am.
Being a perfectionist, I prefer to see how the land lies before I attempt anything new; and that includes having a look over the garden fence to see what other people are doing before I make a fool of myself.
It can be so easy to look at other families; and there are all types; and think “They have such a great life” or “They always seem to be in control”. However, that may not be the case. I must have a long history of comparison, as I always remember my mam saying to me several times as a child, “The other man’s grass is always greener, but his is harder to cut”. It didn’t really help my 6-year-old self, it just left me scratching my head; because I didn’t want my friend’s grass, I wanted her doll house; but it certainly helps me now. I think it’s important to remember that we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors; what calamities, hardships and problems people are facing regardless of how well things look on the outside or on social media.
I am also guilty of another form of comparison: actively avoiding doing the same thing as someone else if I generally disagree with their lifestyle or ideas, which can be detrimental to me. I am fully aware that everyone has different ways of doing things and that it’s not black-and-white. I can take some ideas, tips or behaviours from people and leave what I don’t want. Even though I’m fully aware of this I find it hard to put it into practise, particularly when it comes to how I raise my child.
Comparison is not all bad, though, is it? I know we should not compare our own family to others, but if we weren’t somewhat aware of what other families or people were doing, we would surely end up doing whatever we like. I wonder what kind of society we would live in if no-one compared themselves to anyone else. For instance, when I was pregnant, I found out that the baby was breeched and that I would have to have a C-section before going into labour. I got on to my friend straight away who was in the same situation, also in Holles Street, not 9 months before. She sat me down, told me everything and gave me advice on what to do. I wanted to be like her; I wanted to keep a cool head and come back swinging like she did. That kind of comparison got me through what was a very difficult time.
All in all, I think it’s empowering to do your own thing, but there’s no harm every now and then to have a look around and see what other families are doing. Some of the stuff you’ll find useful, some of it you won’t. Just take what you need. I think comparison, like anything, can be good for us if “used” in the right way.
