Christmas is a time we associate with winding down, family time and spiritual inspiration. For many in Ireland, almost 136,000, this Christmas has the added dimension of self-isolation with Covid.  It seems like the last straw.

How can we have a Christmas that is special, memorable, peaceful and happy for all the family? It can feel impossible.  Zooming a loved one in bed or running up and down the stairs with trays. Family members, tired after a year of Covid, nerves frayed and everyone needing a break.  It can be hard to know what to do and how to do it.

Acceptance

Christmas is full of traditions from the Christmas dinner to the gifts and the TV viewing. It can be hard to step away from them without feeling Christmas is a disaster.  The additional jobs to be done for loved one’s self-isolating and “trying to keep everyone happy” is like an extra strain - the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The hardest thing can be to accept. Certain things cannot be the same this Christmas. And that is ok. It is nobody’s fault. It is our reality. (Personally, I love the phrase – “it is what it is”). 

This needs to be articulated, talked about. Getting together as a family to agree our wish list for Christmas 2021 can avoid so many of the unnecessary tensions and upsets. Each family member has an opportunity to share their thoughts instead of keeping them to themselves. What are the non-negotiables for us all? But also what will we be dropping this Christmas? And how can each of us – each family member – do our bit – for everyone.  

Family glue

For some, the only option might seem to self-isolate somewhere other than at home. Because the idea of being stuck in your bedroom with all the fun downstairs is unbearable. After all, it is easier to only have ourselves to blame if we have a miserable Christmas.

And yet we often forget how important we are to each other.  We need each other. We are dependent social creatures.   And each one if absent is sorely missed. St. Mother Teresa once commented, “People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing, but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another”.

How can we love each other when we are frankly tapped out?

We know deep down that Christmas is all about others. So often we think we each see things the same way – and we don’t.  We need to talk to each other to realise just this as we are tired and so often in overdrive and don’t notice the obvious or forget.  How can we love each other?  Often as we think but not as they need perhaps. The funny meme, the food that works for the no-taste Covid patient, the whatever you need whenever you need it. Is that the real aim?

Too tall an order?

Our backdrop – The Christmas scene

The miracle of Christmas is that God became one of us. Why? Because he wanted to. He loved and loves us too much to leave us alone. But the first Christmas was nothing short of a disaster in terms of a planning exercise (by modern standards). 

There was no pandemic but there was a census. A journey of 60 miles for a first time Mum, Mary.  No 4 wheel drive but a donkey. No midwives, no hospital bed, a stable.   Everything about that first Christmas was far from ideal; cold, poor and no welcome.  For mums the very idea of placing your newborn in an animal feeding trough is unbearable. And yet the newborn Jesus is surrounded by the love of Mary and Joseph.  That is all that God saw as necessary for the first and best Christmas.

It makes you think.

We don’t need a lot of things.  We need each other’s presence, each other’s love. But to love others as they need, when we are tired and frazzled and frustrated is beyond us.

We need a bit of God’s love in our hearts to embrace others – without fear and with all the love we can summon up. That is enough. Saint Josemaría reminds us, “more than in giving, charity consists in understanding” (The Way, 463). Notwithstanding our personal littleness, this Christmas we can spread a little of that light to others. 

Doing things differently

What is memorable is often what is different. It tells those we love that we care enough to find another way.  Tears, laughter, joy and upsets are often the emotional spaces of the Christmas season. Christmas 2021 may not have many of the usual components. But it could have the one of Love (with a capital “L”), whether it is “sorry” or “would you help me” or “what can I do to help”. Love is always a choice. 

And “I love you” is the most important.