Have you ever heard the phrase “stay in your own lane”? The illustration I’ve heard that accompanies that phrase is that of a swimming competition. As a swimmer, the moment that your mind, your vision, your body starts veering over to another lane is the moment you’ve lost the race.

Your focus needs to be clearly on you pushing and pulling to do your very best, you cannot worry about what is going on next to you, behind you or in front of you.

Yet somehow a part of the human makeup is that desire to win, that desire to triumph, to achieve, to acquire. Some people seem to be able to release that competitive nature for something more generous and collaborative, however some people cannot seem to shake that comparative compulsion.

A confession

I am a competitive person. I try not to be, I try to play it down, I wish I wasn’t, but I am. And when my ego is at its loudest and strongest is usually when somehow I feel like I am not being given my due. The injustice of it. I’ve heard some people say that competition brings out the best in them, I have to say that that has not been my experience. When I am in a competitive mode I am truly at my worst.

Recently I was on the set of a TV show, something I was very excited about and that I absolutely love being a part of. As a professional actor of over 20 years, it is still a rare enough experience and a true joy to be on set. One morning I was called to be on set, but wasn’t used. Even in a fabulous setting, doing what I love, I began to feel hurt and unseen. “How could they not think of me?” Anyone who has ever worked on any kind of film set would just laugh at that thought. It's just not the way it works. Every person is valuable, of course, but not in every moment. Every person has their time to shine and then a time to wait, to blend into the background out of the way of the work. Sets are all about collaboration, and to think or want to be more important than you are to the whole, is to get yourself in a pickle.

Should versus AM 

See, my ego was already threatened. At this stage of my career, I think others expect me to have large roles and multiple scenes and many lines. I actually have no idea what others think, but that is a belief that I have. I “should” be further along. Instead, I am often cast in these fabulous roles with a couple of lines. And there is the blow to my ego and the competition recording plays in my head of all my expectations of where I should be and how I should be treated, when the truth is that I was treated very well, that I absolutely adored the role I was given and am thrilled to be part of the team bringing the story to life.

What helps me get out of that competitive ego trap is that reminder that filmmaking and TV making are collaborative arts, every single role has a part to play and each is important to the whole. If one can embrace that role, whatever it may be, and do it to the best of one’s ability knowing you are part of something bigger, that is the real win. It is a win to be able to do what I love with other skilled and passionate people. When I can serve the story and get out of my own way, I am able to enjoy the process and the gift I’ve been given.

 Keep on swimming!