What is the secret to family holidays?

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

When I was a child, my grandmother would often ask us  “Are we having FUN yet?”, with the emphasis on fun.  

She was a young widow and looked forward to spoiling, I mean, spending time with her grandchildren.  When we’d go out to eat, she’d spend so much money, she’d remark to the waiter, “I’m spending my grandchildren’s inheritance!” 

Sometimes she’d take us to an amusement park, or zoo, or perhaps a ferry ride with an ice cream.  She gave us everything she wished she could have had  as a child.  Cake, candies, toys, trips on bumper boats and go carts, another round of hot dogs and popcorn, things a girl couldn’t have during the great depression of the 1930’s in the US. 

What she didn’t know was that in spite of all the gifts and trips we truly loved her.  

My grandmother had a hard time believing we or anyone loved her unconditionally.  As children, my brother and cousin would spend hours and days with her during holidays or summers. The three of us loved being at her house, just as much as we loved  being on a bumper boat or on a trip to a hotel with a pool.  She had a simple house with a little back garden where we would put on her old clothes and stage a play, or run through the sprinklers in the summer.

At Christmas, we’d watch TV in the basement and play her old records or board games, drink hot chocolate by the fire, or put up forts with her couch cushions.  She’d tell us stories about where things in her house came from, or past holiday gatherings. Our fun wasn’t about expensive trips or loads of new toys. It was being with her and finding out what she enjoyed, what she knew about our family, and why we were so important to her.

In my own family- just like my grandmother-I tend to make too many plans.  I want my family to recreate the joyful memories I had when I was their age. But this approach can lead to exhaustion.  Admittedly, my children are young and can’t always keep up.  My irrational fear is that if my children aren’t occupied, I’ll have failed them, or perhaps worse, they’ll find their own activities in which they hurt each other.  

Over the years of family holidays I have learned what works and what doesn’t.  Tours, museums, famous sites, or markets are wonderful. Even better if the tours are interactive and short, as the smaller one’s concentration span is limited.  But my kids are happy just to be in a hotel with a pool. Add a restaurant and playground, and they’re as happy as lambs.  Constant frenetic activity is not good. I have learned that they need to be in their own company having some down time, without too much doing and planned activity.  

I have learned to try to make family holidays also fun for me and my other half! If we are enjoying ourselves then it’s a proper family holiday as opposed to solely a holiday for my kids. Seeing my kids happy can be quite blissful!  It is in those moments that I see my children embedding the values and virtues that we as parents cherish.  It must be because they feel close to their parents, they try harder to please them and make them proud, which then makes the whole family stronger.  As a parent sometimes I forget that every moment together can be like family glue where deep family relationships are built.  It just doesn't have to be complicated. The  genuine enjoyment and humour between each member of the family adds up to creating precious memories that we can cherish forever. 

Overtime I have realised that family holidays while they do take a certain amount of planning. This isn’t the same as ticking off a list of things to do which can lead to irritability, tiredness and grumpiness. 

My children have an innocent and unconditional love for both me and my husband, because of the fact that we are their parents. I forget this sometimes,  and think I’m the only one with unconditional love!  

Our children teach us that simple quality time spent together makes so many memories that are filled with love and deep joy.