What are family routines?

Photo by Deborah Diemon Unsplash

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, routine jobs into joy, and ordinary opportunities into blessings.”

-William Arthur Ward

Recently I was scrolling online about the topic of family routines - so many websites telling me that routines are of the utmost importance to family life and what routine is the best to have.

I have to admit, I felt a little pressure and slightly insignificant. Videos like “Are Your Family Routines Working?” and articles such as “The Importance of Family Routines” got me wondering if I am doing the right thing with my own family, and maybe I should go back to the drawing board altogether and start up a whole new schedule. 

I continued to scroll, and, I must admit, panic, when I came across an article entitled: “How to Create a Daily Routine that Works for Your Family”. Well, that was more like it. Every family has their own routine that works for them. Some have more structure than others, some find certain little habits go a long way, and what works for one family may not necessarily work for another. So what are family routines? For me, family routines are the things we do every day; from getting up at a certain time to daily tasks and social events.

Family routines and me

In some ways, I am a paradox. I can thrive on routine and like planning things in advance. However, five years ago when my first baby arrived, I preferred to roll with the punches.

I would let her sleep when she needed to and feed her when she was hungry. The flexibility of life was very helpful for us. We could enjoy a nice meal in a restaurant and she would happily sit in the high chair or doze in her buggy. The downside?  We couldn’t always depend on her to do what we expected. 

Things changed however as she grew older. With the arrival of preschool, we began to lose that flexibility. She was up early in the mornings, and always exhausted in the evenings. This meant an early dinner and an early bedtime to accommodate her early risings and busy days. Onto this routine we added things like feeding the fish, tidying away her shoes, unpacking her schoolbag among other things. 

I like to think it gives her day a loose but sure structure and instils a sense of responsibility.  I suppose, looking back, the need for some sort of routine increased as she got older, more active, and more aware. 

I have seen first-hand the effect a lack of routine has on her these days, with the pandemic lockdown and school holidays; I noticed her behaviour changing and she became more difficult, less reasonable and completely restless at night time.

Now, I am glad of the routine we have.  I wouldn’t say it’s a strict routine; there is still some adjustability. Personally, I find that having a strict routine can reduce her resilience as she can become dependent on certain things happening at certain times on certain days.

Striking the balance between the flexible and what’s structured can be tricky.  I do enjoy however the odd day when we can float from one activity to another depending on our mood, or the weather or what’s on the tv.

It’s very much a work in progress!

Turning the mundane into the marvellous

Let’s face it, the same pattern day in and day out can take its toll on us and leave us feeling a little trapped and let’s be honest bored. Having a family has shoe-horned me into a type of routine that I don’t necessarily like most of the time - the daily grind of school runs, meal preparation, party pickups, dance class drop-offs, and everything in between.

Feelings of being trapped, in a rut, bored, anxious, can creep in and rob me of peace. I find this type of boisterous negativity most potent when I’m sleep-deprived with my second child. I imagine everyone will have something that works to shed these feelings of doubt and boredom, and instead turn them into something more positive.

For me, solace comes from following a blogger on Instagram called Anna Mathur.  She posts on everything from running a household to raising a family, and how it impacts your mindset. She has a remarkable ability to take a situation or a feeling and reframe it into something more positive. When I have those negative feelings, I often follow her simple advice. Instead of ‘I have to...’ I tell myself, ‘I get to…’ or I have to cook dinner, I say ‘I get to cook dinner.’ By reframing my language in this way my mind begins to open out to the whole world of gratitude.

So, with my new mindset, I am now physically able to cook dinner. I can afford the ingredients and the electricity to do so. I have a lovely family who will eat the food with me… the list goes on. From appreciating my kitchen table to the crockery my nana bought us as a house-warming gift. And so, tasks and routines that can appear mundane, or dull may be now seen as special, joyful, full of wonder, and something to be grateful for.

To conclude…

I think it can be good to build in some downtime to our routine, as it can help us all regroup, reflect a bit more, and connect better with one another.  Because we all know that when we are rushing from one task to another, we just get exhausted and more forgetful.   

Besides, downtime can offer us the energy for the next bout of jobs and work.  I think it helps when a family can establish a routine that suits the needs of all members. Whatever the schedule, I believe it’s important to have time for reflection, and the practise of gratitude, where we manage to transform the banal slog of routine into something transformative.