Although logistics and romance don’t seem at first glance to be a pleasant pairing, every married couple will inevitably have to try to accommodate both. Relationships at the outset tend to be all fun and flowers; however as time moves on and a couple get married, finances, shopping, house maintenance etc need to be considered. This becomes even more onerous when a couple have children, leaving little time for much needed shared fun and frolics.

Whilst logistics in a marriage are very necessary, we should be mindful not to let them dominate. The values underpinning a good marriage are broader and more important than the logistics that help it to function. When the balance is right, logistics can serve to strengthen the marriage by building unity, trust and teamwork. 

So, how do we get the logistics and romance balance right in marriage? Here are 3 simple ways to start.

Plan the logistics

Although our homes and relationships are not part of a business, good planning will help to minimise the time spent on logistics and maximise their effectiveness. Every couple can build their unity as a couple by setting long term and short term goals together. Most couples know these off the top of their head  but it still helps to set it out clearly at least once a year. You might be surprised by the outcome! 

Planning a month ahead gives you time to organise back up, outsource a task or take time off work if needed so that your goals can be achieved. Sitting down once a week with your spouse to go through your diaries allows the couple to appreciate the effort they are both making to build careers, bring in money, create a home and nurture their children if they have them. It also highlights where one might be able to help out the other to achieve their shared goals. With these purposeful time -boxed ‘meetings,’ the couple are united in the pursuit of their dreams without logistics dominating.

Change your mindset

None of us love logistics but we all know the horror when they are not given the priority they deserve. Perhaps you forgot to put out the bin, didn’t renew the insurance, were stressed preparing for an event because you didn’t give it the time it needed…the list could go on. A lot of couples end up arguing because one is under too much pressure keeping the logistical nightmare on the road and perceives that the other is not prioritising or completing these tasks as they could. Giving logistics their due place and priority is as important in strengthening a relationship as is the fun and frolics.

Knowing that your spouse is there supporting your shared dreams by working a bit extra to save for your shared holiday, putting on the wash so that it doesn't build up and everyone has clean clothes to wear or organising the car service helps to build trust, love and unity. Try  to see that managing the messy logistics of modern life is a way to build your connection and stay in love.  Cutting the grass can then take on a whole new meaning!

Plan the fun

In the dating phase of a relationship, fun was spontaneous and almost constant. Now that you are married or married with children, and both of you are perhaps working and building your careers, downtime can default to mindless technology and sofas. You both might begin to see fun as something that you do with your friends away from home. As time passes and the functional part of the relationship dominates, you may begin to lose sight of each other as fun. 

Organising a date where both of you are free just to enjoy being human, alive and in a relationship can bring fun to the fore again. Write down all the tasks and worries swirling around your head to be dealt with after so that you are logistically unburdened for whatever amount of downtime you have together. Try out new restaurants, different movie genres, explore a new activity or visit a museum. Do new things together as you did at the start of the relationship. Continue to learn new things together and about each other.

A couple can be a brilliant logistical team with everything working like clockwork but this doesn’t guarantee a great marriage. Keeping logistics in their proper place, looking at them as a good relationship must-have and taking the time out to keep laughing and enjoying each other can and does help to grow, unity, love, teamwork and trust. Now that is the stuff of a great marriage!