Screen time: how much is too much for my kids?
Recently, my children have suffered from my wilful mismanagement of videos & video games, and are constantly snacking, fighting, and forgetting any house rules.
Yes, it’s come to this. I must limit their eyes, their minds, and their hearts, and teach them something better to do with their time. It’s a painful thing for me and them, the undoing, the release, but the healing must come after such disconnect and neglect.
Yes, I’m referring to a long-needed purge of the notorious villain, the ever on, pulsating glowing screen!
After months of google classroom, videos, and various video game terminals, not to mention RTE player’s home school hub which often lead to more cartoons, it’s time to redirect our daily schedule around things in reality. I’ve grown convinced that living in someone else’s conceived world is not beneficial to myself or my children. Creativity suffers, and let’s face it, I don’t need to pretend to be somewhere else. What I probably need is to be more present, and so do my children.
Sensory overload
“As a practitioner, I observe that many of the children I see suffer from sensory overload, lack of restorative sleep, and a hyper aroused nervous system, regardless of diagnosis—what I call electronic screen syndrome. These children are impulsive, moody, and can’t pay attention”, so cautions Victoria L. Dunckley M.D. in Psychology Today.
It doesn’t take much of an internet search to find articles about how screens are destructive, from reshaping our children’s brains, causing sleep & concentration or processing disorders like ADHD, increase in violent behaviors and antisocial disorders, depression, and childhood obesity, and dementia in adults.
Pretty depressing reading for any parent
So then, why do we allow ourselves and our children to watch so much, for so long, and so often? I blame the seductive tradition of family TV dinners, movie nights, and the desire for escapism, pure old nostalgia. These things are not terrible in and of themselves, but surely over indulgence in anything can become an addiction.
There are dopamine studies (the hormone associated with addiction feedback loops) linking addiction to video gaming and binge watching like drug addiction.
“Screen time leads to dopamine release. This means that the more screen time, the more addicted to screen time your child will become,” says therapist Katie Ziskind who specialises in digital detox.
I’ve seen an addict-like behaviour in my children, and rage when I’ve interfered in their unbridled screen time. So, it’s not a stretch to think that limiting screen time will be difficult.
Another study made the point that the backlit screen of shadows is actually reshaping our brains, and changing our vision for the worse, even kindle books, and backlit alarm clocks! When we stare at a glowing screen, our brains become engaged and excited like a moth to a light. We have a harder time shutting down, and going to sleep right away, and our children have a hard time forgetting what they’ve viewed. Reality starts to blend for them with the fictional screen world. I’ve noticed my own children tend to have more nightmares and wake in the middle of the night after watching TV with too much action.
Our children’s brains are developing rapidly right through the teen years, and they are more sensitive to learning bad habits and poor concentration. By allowing them too much screen time, we are putting them at a disadvantage, and limiting their potential for more creative things.
Bad behaviours
When the TV is always on and screens are up, they listen to me less, respect each other less, and are more demanding, with tantrums, or whining, and less interested in learning something new.
Take for instance, a recent time my children were running around the playground, acting out a Fireman Sam episode, to the letter, and when another child tried to add a character that didn’t belong to Fireman Sam, there ensued such protest, you would have thought there really was a fire.
Besides the lack of creativity in play, they often complain of boredom, and are impatient, short fused, and moody after a day of screens. One mom friend said it best, when she said, “I’m letting them binge watch to the point of abuse.” Yes, I feel that way too, even though there are some days I rely on the screens to keep them entertained, (please don’t judge!) I know it needs to change, but I was afraid of how to go about it.
Whose to blame?
I’ve been inconsistent about the screen in some ways, making it overly available some days, and other weeks going 5-7 days without any screens to detox them. When we’re in these detox weeks, we’re typically outside doing something, or engaged in crafts, music, or creative play. At first, my children pout and protest, but once it’s established that screens are off limits, something happens to their moods. Especially if I play with them. They need a starting point most days, an example of what to play, or how something can be fun. Then, they become more aware of each other, concerned about fairness, and happy to hear what I have to teach them, even curious as to what Mom used to play when she was young. It takes work to develop more loving communication skills and creativity especially when our kids are bored.
I need to police myself more with screens, as well as reshape my children’s square eyes. I need to model the self-control I expect in my kids.
Never before have we had so much technology and free time at our fingertips. Yet ironically enough it would seem we’re willing to squander it away on screens. Numerous books have been written on how our ability to speak well, write well, or even to be well read suffers from too much screen time. The Shallows by Nicholas G. Carr, or Sherry Turkle’s Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age and her TED Talk Connected but Alone reiterate this same central idea. There is no doubt a certain decisiveness is needed if we are to put away the screens to reach out to others in meaningful friendships or closeness.
Some tips going forward
So, in my effort to limit screen time I have come up with a few golden rules. I would like to share them with anyone who is like me struggling to limit screen time at home:
No screens at meals, especially the dinner table, this includes phones for parents!
If the children watch a show, equal amount of time needs to be spent outside playing, or inside in play, creative craft, music, or states of rest. This includes no music videos or workout videos!
Make a list of things to do for play suggestions, and put time aside to teach play!
Remove screens from bedrooms and limit to no viewing one hour before bedtime.
Put down your phone or computer more often to give your children examples of self -restraint & an awareness of their surroundings.
There is hope
If we rein in this addiction, we’ll benefit mentally from a radical change in screen relationship. Our brains can heal, even though it may be a bit slower as adults. But we can create new brain cells to retrain our brains to think for ourselves independent of screens.
I suppose it’s all about checking out of screens more often and checking back into life!