If you could choose one aspect of yourself to shape the rest of your life, which one would you choose? Probably not self-doubt.

Self-doubt is that voice in your head.  It is very common amongst women, and it  tries to convince us that we are unable (“I can’t, I didn’t, I shouldn’t, I’m terrible”). It often appears when we are stressed or before something important, but sometimes it will even appear when we receive an oddly worded text from a friend or have to ask our boss for time off. It manifests itself in a sinking feeling in one's stomach and sweaty palms, maybe even a tightness in the chest, a holding back.

People often don’t believe that an actress could be riddled with self-doubt. I mean how could one be full of doubt and still get on stage in front of hundreds, if not thousands of people? But having a calling to the stage does not exempt you from self-doubt.

The many faces of doubt

I think self-doubt can show up in a number of different ways, from stage fright to lack of self-worth. To me, self-doubt is anything, any thought, that undercuts self-belief. It can show up in the stories we create that become our rules of being, whether or not they are based in truth.

I’ve been performing on stage since I was six years old. I’m pretty comfortable up there once I get going and love an audience. However, about seven or eight years ago I agreed to do a small singing gig with a couple of friends. I love to sing, but it isn’t my strong suit. It was exciting to get on stage with these women. We each had a short set of three or less songs. We practiced, we packed out the pizza place and were ready to go. I was nervous. 

A singer’s stage fright 

There is something so very revealing about singing. When it came to my turn I took my place at the microphone and nodded to my friend on the keyboard and I started to sing. I was still terrified, my voice was shaking, it felt like the start of a panic attack. All of a sudden I had the thought “This is awful. You should just walk away. You don’t have to finish this song. You don’t have to sing another note. This is embarrassing. Just walk right off the stage and out the door. You don’t have to do this. Get out of here now.” I had never experienced stage fright so palpably. Usually once on stage I relax into it and get to the point where I really enjoy the exchange between artist and audience. Not this time. The urge to leave was so strong.

I don’t know how it happened, but in a split second, I also said to myself, “You’re okay. You don’t have to be perfect. Just get through this chorus.” Somehow I was able to make it through. I finished that song and the rest of my set. Still shaken, but proud to have gotten through it.

Next step - breakthrough?

It didn’t matter how many people complimented me or indeed if I was any good, what mattered was that the self-doubt, in this case blinding terror, didn’t stop me. Self-doubt often shows up when we are on the verge of a breakthrough. When we are approaching a boundary we set for ourselves or a perceived limitation that has been reinforced throughout the years. Is it possible then that self-doubt is an indicator that points us in the direction of our best selves? Maybe Robert Hughes was correct, “The greater the artist, the greater the doubt." Maybe in some way self-doubt is actually confirmation of our worth, an indicator that we are going in the right direction.  

Doubt’s antidote - belief

Often it is the doubt that we remember, that we go back to again and again, but if we were able to look back on every moment that we doubted, what percentage of the time would we see ourselves persevering anyway? I know it wouldn’t be 100% for me, there are times when self-doubt has stopped me in my tracks, kept me from a challenge, yet, I do think it would genuinely be high. The only way to get over doubt is to see it for what it is and choose another thought, take action anyway.

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh

And if you are lucky, on the other side of self-doubt or somewhere buried deep in the middle there is belief. Belief that is based on proof. Examples all through your life of when you were scared and doubtful and you got through it. You didn’t think you could go on, things seemed too hard, you felt like you didn’t have the strength, but you did. When push came to shove you had enough strength, enough grit, enough belief to get through.

We have the choice to hear the self-doubt and move through it anyway or to let our self-doubt hold us back from possibility. 

Doubt doesn’t have to shape us, maybe it can be belief instead. Belief that we can, we did, we should and we are worthy. Every time you choose to paint, sing, or speak up when faced with self-doubt, you are shaping new memories, creating new rules, breaking through boundaries and changing “what’s possible”. You can choose to believe in your worth instead.

What does your self-doubt say to you? What beliefs do you have that refute your “I can’ts, I didn’ts, I shouldn’ts and I’m terribles”? Maybe keeping a list of your wins, no matter how small, could be helpful to look at when the self-doubt starts talking.