“Don’t be afraid to dream a bit bigger, darling.” During the days of staycation, my husband and I were planning a dream vacation. For me, a hotel with a pool and restaurant was fine. He wanted a beautiful setting with adventurous trails and sites. I thought this was too ambitious.

In reality, I did not want to go beyond my comfort zone and take a risk to do something my family might actually enjoy. Was I being selfish? In the end we took the risk, and had a lovely vacation in Killarney, a bit of both, hotel & pool, gardens with hiking trails which our children loved.

Taking responsibility for my life

I find that I am often setting my sights lower than what I really want, because I’m second guessing my chances at getting something better, or just succumbing to worry and anxiety. Over the years, I have tried to develop different goals about career, home, and family. I have begun to chisel out small tasks to do to reach my dreams. Taking more exercise, trying to be kinder and more patient with my children, reconnecting with God, and working at being a better wife. It takes effort.

Embracing change, dream a little

But I realise no one else can change myself except me. It is in my control to bring about change.  To take baby steps and change a little each day I now realise I need to unblock certain attitudes I have let get in the way. I need to ask myself certain questions if I am to embrace change: What would my life be like if I could suspend anxiety and take some risks? If I could fit into someone else’s way of thinking how would I feel?  How can I stop feeling tired and have more energy for my kids? How do I stop complaining about cleaning? How can I smile more? How can I be happy? How can I look forward to a challenge? 

These questions scare me a little sometimes. But like most people I want to look back in five years and think that ‘I have changed for the better’. Maybe we need to dream a little so  that we can move forward towards something better?

Negative voices

In the years before major coffee chains like Starbucks, when I was a teen, I’d tell friends I dreamed of opening a coffee shop with live music.  My father had told me to forget about that dream because a business couldn’t survive on cups of coffee. I did go on to start a social coffee house with live music, which was by my standards successful.  

If I had listened to my father’s well intended cautious advice, I never would have tried my dream and know what was possible.  These negative voices, although well-intentioned and familiar, prevent us from daring to dream. They stop us from trying.

Influencers who inspire

We all need a hero or a Saint to chart positive attitudes and behaviours, be it a teacher, mother, or a saint. No one’s perfect, but it has been helpful for me to reflect on some character traits in my heroes, or their capacity for perseverance. What I have noticed is a common trait in the lives of these heroes, they became stronger and more loving people through tough moments. They did not run away and isolate themselves from life’s challenges. We’re never at the same point in time from one experience to the next.

As St. John Henry Newman said

“To live is to change, and to change often is to become more perfect”.

We can at least try and change what we have control over. I can try to be better tomorrow than I was today. That I have some control over!