Screens are here to stay and while there are huge advantages there are also huge risks for our young people. As a parent, it is increasingly difficult to know where the lines should be drawn, given technology’s undeniable impact on their social connections, sense of identity, education and emotional well-being. 

I recently experienced the ‘how much is too much’ dilemma when a PlayStation 5 arrived in our house this Christmas past. The games console has undoubtedly brought hoots of laughter and good-natured disputes and has had the effect of dissolving age gaps between my husband, four children and their friends. In many ways, it has impacted positively on the household. It has also, however, hugely increased their screen time and rather than us all sitting down for a family movie, they opt instead to play a game on the PlayStation. There are games I like, but also games that I am concerned about, especially with the mix of ages.

Walking the ‘technology tightrope’

This screen dilemma is one I’m also facing with my 12-year-old daughter. For so many reasons, I would prefer her not to have a smartphone – the risk of cyberbullying, the exposure to uncensored material, the body consciousness, the increased screen time. I am also aware that children do not appreciate the permanence (and potential gravity) of a statement when put in writing online, and of the serious consequences such statements may bring.

However, I also must acknowledge the many ways in which a phone would benefit her. In particular, it would enable her to learn how to behave online in a supervised and controlled way, which is a crucial life lesson in today’s times. Furthermore, it is quickly getting to the stage that not having a phone is preventing her from interacting with her friends, as this has become one of the main ways in which they socialise. So where does the answer lie? 

Set boundaries you can stick to

There is no ‘one size fits all’ answer to how much technology we allow our teens, but in seeking to strike the right balance, several factors are relevant. First, quality and quantity matter – being knowledgeable about what technology they are using, setting time limits, tracking their online activity, and having their passwords can all help to mitigate the negative impact of technology on their lives. Familiarising yourself with the latest app and how best to monitor it will likely require some work on your part, but these are great ways to support teenagers as they move into this world. 

Encourage tech-free time

Secondly, providing them with opportunities to have relationships and interests outside of their devices goes a long way to ensuring they maintain a positive self-image, can make social connections and have empathy for their fellow man and the planet. I have found sports and music to be wonderful assets in this regard. Having good books in the house, as well as organising interesting day trips and holidays are other great ways to ensure they are happy, well-adjusted and balanced individuals. 

Take time to talk

I have also found keeping the communication lines open to be vital in building a trust-filled relationship with them, so don’t underestimate the power of a chat about these things. You can keep checking that the balance is right by reflecting on the impact their devices are having on their relationships, self-worth, learning and emotional well-being. Is it positively impacting their relationships with friends and family or are they becoming more isolated and changing friend groups for the worse? Does the technology they use support their education and help them develop a sound worldview? Is it producing undesirable outcomes in terms of their self-worth? Are they discerning about reputable websites and sources? What social influencers are influencing them? Is technology a source of emancipation for them, or a cause of worry and stress?

For better or worse, our teens have been born into a digital world and we have the privilege of introducing them to this world and supporting them as they navigate their way through it. I know the kids in my house are going to want games on the PlayStation that are not suitable and want to stay on it far too long. They will make mistakes but with good structures, consistent checks and open conversations around technology, I hope we will get the balance right.