3 Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt

Photo by Gabriella Clare Marino on Unsplash

Whether we realise it or not, the various parts of our lives can either be helped or hindered by the thoughts we allow ourselves to have. Take a moment just to ‘think’ of all the thoughts you might have in a day and then ask yourself…are they always helpful or do they sometimes hold me back? 

At times we all struggle with difficulties in our work or family situations but the pattern of thoughts we allow ourselves to have about these difficulties greatly influence our approach and our actions. Our thoughts aren’t just fleeting ideas; they have a very real and powerful impact on our entire psyche - our level of confidence, our sense of self worth and how we view ourselves.

Here are three thoughts that we all have but are holding us back from achieving or realising our everyday goals and ambitions.

“I can’t do…”

How often do we say this to ourselves? Perhaps so much that we don’t even notice it but the more we think this thought, the more our brain believes it! And then it will shut down on us instead of even allowing us to try. 

Sometimes we might hear a colleague at work or one of our children say something similar and we’ll be one of the first to jump in and offer encouragement or help them to see a potential solution, yet we find it hard to have the same level of compassion towards ourselves. 

It might seem like an insignificant thought but it does create a reality for us. If we keep telling ourselves that we can’t do it, then that becomes the reality simply because our brain won’t even put in the effort. What can we do instead? Even a simple switch such as “ok, this is tough but I can try it” or “I can’t do this yet but I’m learning.”  We may just find that we can do it if we start to change our beliefs. 

“This is too hard…”

Sometimes our brain wants everything to be easy and simple and comfortable but you and I both know that life isn’t like that! But the moment we tell ourselves that something is too hard, our brain will agree and give up. 

Every day we do things that are objectively hard but allowing ourselves to have this constantly recurring thought about everything just creates a burden; it makes everything we're doing, and especially the more challenging things, feel even heavier and more cumbersome. We start to spiral into negativity so our brain kicks back, searches for novelty and we begin to procrastinate. It seems like our brain actually keeps us stuck!

How can we reverse the script? We can begin by recognising the challenging and difficult things that we’ve accomplished to date and give ourselves the credit for it. We can change the thought patterns to things like, “this is challenging but I’m figuring it out” or “what ways could I make this easier?” Even just changing a few simple things can make things feel a lot lighter.

“I’m not good enough…”

We all have our own gifts and talents and things that we naturally excel at. We also have things that we’re not great at and we all have our defects.  When we see others who are much better at things than we are, what’s our first reaction? Is it to be thankful that other women are better at something or do we immediately compare, berate ourselves and forget our own gifts and talents? I know what my reaction is! 

The big irony is that constantly telling ourselves that we’re not good at something doesn’t actually help us to get better at it. In fact, it doesn’t encourage us at all. And sooner or later, we’ll start to believe the lies we tell ourselves. 

We won’t always be amazing at everything. But the things we do find hard, we can get better at them if we change our mindset, practice, look for help or ask others for their advice and support. We might be a dreadful cook, or terrible with budgeting, or we might always struggle to get to places punctually but we can improve if we allow ourselves to change our thought patterns. Try telling yourself, “yes, I find this tough but I could try…” or “I’m not good at x but I can get better if…”

We do need to watch our thoughts and be mindful of them. These negative thoughts don’t come from a place of goodness and in fact the only purpose they serve is to steal our peace. Be attentive to your thoughts and be intentional with them. In what ways could your thoughts help you to move forward this week rather than holding you back?

For more on overcoming negative thoughts, check out this episode of the Hearts+Minds podcast.