I like the thrill of going into charity shops in search of something different.  I’m not sure if it is the price or the fact that others thought it was worth buying, or both.

There is also the element of waste that draws me into them.  How many clothes are bought daily which are discarded soon after?  Don’t get me wrong, I like shopping in expensive boutiques.  I love clothes, full stop!  But I do also like combining.  Affordable with expensive, old with new. 

Growing up, I would always have inherited my older sisters’ clothes!  Some were cool, but others were boring to the point of tears.  So, that’s when I would complain to my mum and tell her that it wasn’t fair, that I wanted to buy my own.  Looking back, I’m glad she didn’t give in.  It isn’t that my parents didn’t have money, which they did.  It was that they saw this as a common-sense approach to bringing up teenagers.  

For me, there is nothing wrong with borrowing a handbag, shoes, shawl, jacket for an occasion.  I recently went to a friend’s house to get advice from her as to which of two dresses was the best for a wedding.   In no time, she had bags, jackets and accessories for both of them!  Needless to say, I was thrilled!

I don’t know about you, but I love when a friend says, Caoimhe, I have a jacket that I think would suit you and I no longer use, would you like it?  A close friend loves heels, expensive ones at that.  When her back starts giving out- which tends to be shortly after the purchase- she accepts the doctor’s advice and descends (literally) to reality. When that happens, I find myself with a new-to-me pair of leather shoes, and I thank God we’ve got the same size! Granted, the quality of things you get might not always be the best, but they might have a je ne sais quoi, or they may simply be a handy item. 

The thing is that one doesn’t necessarily need to be strapped for cash to accept second-hand clothes.  To me it is just as natural as accepting a second-hand house or car.  I would really like this to become much more run of the mill.  I think it is not only important in terms of sustainability of the planet.  It also bonds people together.  Women love sharing, and fashion is one of the many things that bring us together, enriching our friendships.  

Admittedly, there is a real danger of ending up with a wardrobe full of random things.  Bits and pieces, you have picked up here and there, which would require further shopping to make them wearable.  And also, there is the risk of looking like something straight from a war movie!  

In an effort to avoid these dangers, I stick to what I call the 10-minute-drop. I try not to spend more than ten minutes browsing in a second-hand shop at a given time.   I reckon -and I have the experience to prove it- that after 10 minutes your sense of style starts to drop proportionate to the time you spend there.  Surroundings matter, and they matter a lot.  So, when shopping I alternate between visiting exclusive boutiques, and charity shops, so that if I have lost a bit of my sense of taste in one place, I recover it in the next.  I like to look well, and I believe that in order to flourish, we need to be exposed to all aspects of beauty. 

It is hard to explain why we call someone ‘elegant’.  What we really mean, I think, is that they are a joy to look at, and lift our spirits.  Their look points to something loftier.  To beauty.   An elegant person has developed the ability to choose the best among a series of available things.  The root of this word comes from the Latin eligere, which means to select or choose.  I choose what to wear because of the type of person I am or would like to be. Yes, clothes reflect who you are.  But the curious thing is that it works the other around too.  What you wear affects you on the inside more deeply than you may realise.  It touches you at the level of being, how you look at myself, how others look at you.  I have noticed that I find it easier to respect others when I’ve made an effort to look well.  On the contrary, when I dress sloppily, I find it easier to do away with manners, and behave in a less edifying manner.

As Oscar Wilde says: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.  Be your most elegant self.  Choose what enhances you, not somebody else.  Like any art, this is learned.  Work at it.  Look at combinations people wear.  Learn what suits your shape and age.  Ask for advice.  Ask a friend to go shopping with you, and to give her honest opinion.  Like poetry or classical music, every art has its inner code of beauty, and it takes study and work to discover it.

So, if you feel you have a poor sense of style, copy what people you admire tend to wear, and how they wear it.  As time goes on, just like cooking, you can venture out and improvise, mix, and match, and add your personal touch. 

But we must remember that we are not born elegant, we learn it with effort, and it is well worth the effort.