What's the best gift you've been given?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

At this time of year, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner we may find our thoughts are turning to things romantic! Whether or not you’re a staunch believer in the usefulness of Valentine’s in promoting love and affection, or you simply think it’s another money making racket, it’s hard to ignore the cupid’s arrows, cuddly teddies and heart shaped confectionery. All the typical Valentine’s paraphernalia!

We often think about what are the best gifts we can give - there are countless numbers of youtube videos and lifestyle articles labelled as ‘Gift guides' for ‘insert any season here.’ 

But what if we turned the tables for a minute and thought about the best gift we’ve ever received? Ask yourself: what gift was I given that I really remember? Why was it so useful and appreciated? Was it necessarily a tangible thing?

What’s our motivation for giving a gift?

Very simply it’s because we believe the person is worth it. That our hunt for that perfect item is worthy of our time, our attention, our thoughtfulness, because that person is worthy of our time, our attention, our thoughtfulness. But as much as we love a gift we can rip the wrapping paper off, there are some things we actually really need that are very easy on the wallet.

Here are three gifts we can give in any relationship, whether it’s marriage and romance, friendship or work. They aren’t objects we can wrap in a bow but they're valuable!

Your time and your energy

Ok, I know this one seems like a bit of a cliché. We all know in theory that time really is a treasure and that giving someone the gift of our time is a worthwhile investment. However, it is much, much more difficult in reality because there are always countless other things demanding our time and energy. Sometimes very small things mean the most to people as you may be the only one that gives them time that day! Very small and tangible ways we can give time and energy to people include things like:

• Being really present. Maintaining eye contact and leaving the phone aside. Listen to hear, not to respond.

• A quick text message, voice note or email just to let them know you’re thinking of them or that you've seen something that made you think of them.

• Put a note or reminder on your calendar to remember important dates, or events they might have coming up and acknowledge them, letting that person know you'll keep them in mind. 

Empathy and understanding

When you're having a rubbish day or you've hit a huge hurdle with work, sometimes a solution being offered is great but what you might need is someone to empathise with you. To just say, yeah this is rubbish - I hear you! And if you've messed up and need to pick up some pieces, (and let's face it, who hasn't?) chances are you already know your mistake. What you need is someone who is willing to understand, or at least try to. When someone offers you their empathy and understanding, it's special because it helps you to see you’re not alone.

Praise and acknowledgment

Have you ever worked really hard on something, putting in all of your time and effort only for it to be dismissed, or even worse completely ignored? It’s so demoralising! Acknowledging someone's effort or giving them praise for something you know has been hard for them can be a real boost to their confidence. Of course, we don't need to be over the top or heap on empty praise - people can recognise insincerity a mile off - but a little word here and there can be so encouraging. To our colleagues at work when they’ve completed a tough project or met a looming deadline, or a friend who’s made an effort to take some time for herself to start a new hobby, or to the child who has finally mastered tying their shoe laces! Sometimes we can take it for granted that people recognise their own successes. That’s not always the case so we can help them to celebrate the small and big wins.

Any gift we give is because we want to sustain our relationships. In short, because the people we love matter to us. The presents we buy are one thing but perhaps we need to remember that love is shown through our deeds as well. In what we say and what we do, we can give a gift worth remembering.