What's your family culture?
Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash
At Hearts+Minds we’ve looked at the importance of developing a mission statement for your family, so that we can be more proactive in our homes and family life. Family life with children is always busy, no matter what stage we are at in our parenting journey and very often we can fall into the trap of constantly ‘reacting’ to the urgent rather than proactively living by our family's 'priorities.’
A family mission statement, that helps everyone to understand the kind of family that you aspire to be, is one way of helping us focus on our priorities as a family. And it also plays an important part in helping to build up the culture within our families.
When we think of culture, the things that probably pop into our heads are things like the books we read, or the films we watch, or the music we listen to. Or even what some might consider more high end culture, like art galleries, museums or classical concerts. But when I talk about culture here, I’m referring to the beliefs and attitudes that permeate our homes - our own unique family culture that sets us apart and binds our family together.
Here are 3 ways to begin building the culture in your family:
Be intentional about your values, not just ideals.
When considering our family culture, we might just default to considering the things we want to ‘do’ as a family - the ideals if you will. And that’s a great start, but building a family culture is about much more. The things we ‘do’ as a family actually spring from our values. So it’s really important to actually define the values you want your family to live by. By doing this, we learn to evaluate what activities or commitments actually resonate with our family values. The things we ‘do’ and the things we place importance on, then start to communicate something about the values we want our family to live by. These values show themselves in actions and behaviour and it’s palpable to others outside the home.
Develop routines and traditions for your family that express those values
When we establish the values we want for our family culture, we as parents need to look at the kinds of routines and habits we can foster in our homes that will communicate these values to our children and that will help to form our children in them. The activities we commit to and the events we attend need to reflect those values and have to be priorities for our family.
You might be a family that values teamwork and so sporting commitments might be the things you use to instil these values in your children. Or you might be a family that values the importance of community and helping others in need, so you might fundraise or volunteer at charitable organisations. Or you might value the importance of honesty and truthfulness, so it’s part of your family culture to be sincere and genuine.
In defining our values, whether they are commitment, dedication, resilience, understanding or forgiveness, our children can learn so much; how to take turns, how to take care of each other, how to disagree amiably, how to recognise that everyone matters and is valued.
Create opportunities for your children to see and experience real beauty, goodness and truth.
It’s no secret that the mental health of our children, adolescents and teenagers is suffering greatly. As a recent international report from Sapien Labs showed, the earlier young people are exposed to smartphone and app use, the lower their adult mental health score. The online world is no substitute for real life, yet sadly so many of our children believe that what they see on social media and the internet is reality. Their brains are incredibly vulnerable and so these online platforms shape their self-esteem, their view of relationships and their behaviour at a critical period in their development.
Building up a strong family culture is one way of showing our children that these things place too much emphasis on the superficial and don't offer any real true and lasting happiness. Exposing our children to things that will create true joy and that shows them their real dignity and value as human beings, encourages a sense of security and safety in family life. Spending time in nature together, reading good books together, praying together if you are a family of faith - all of these things help your children to see and understand that in their family they are known and loved for who they really are. That creates a confidence and influence that will extend far beyond the walls of your own home!
So what would you add? What ways could you and your loved ones build up a strong family culture this year?
