Are you happy to be ordinary?
Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash
Sometimes I ask myself the question: am I happy to live an ordinary, normal life? To be an ordinary person? Happiness, defined as “an emotional state characterised by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment and fulfilment”, is something I think we’re all after.
But when you look up ‘ordinary’ in the dictionary, it says “not unusual or different in any way…with no special or distinctive features”. Synonyms for ordinary are ‘usual’, ‘standard’, ‘normal’, and ‘common.’ And if you describe someone or something as ‘ordinary’ you might mean not special or interesting in any way. In fact, you might even mean rather dull! How many of us would be happy to have that written on our gravestones?
What’s wrong with being ordinary?
Does it make us feel inadequate, embarrassed, or incomplete? That we’re nothing unless we achieve something exceptional? Do we have to get to the top of our career, climb Mount Everest, or bungee jump from the top of the Grand Canyon? Do we have to go abroad on holidays and always have something amazing lined up for the weekend, simply to justify our ordinariness?
Most of us are well-rounded and valued individuals but couldn’t call ourselves exceptional. And this has the potential to rob us of the wonder of ordinary life and leave us feeling empty and not special enough. Perhaps ‘ordinary’ means different things at different stages of life. Compare a day in the life of a busy mum juggling young kids and working online from home, with some retired school friends who meet for a lengthy lunch date! Thinking about your life now, what does ordinary look like for you? Is it messy? exciting? boring? humdrum? stressful? …
Do we need a new perspective?
If we look a little closer, there is a lot of ‘ordinary’ to be found within the extraordinary things that people do. Pete Goss, an Englishman who sailed single-handed around the world, made it part of his daily routine to check every pin and shackle in the rigging, to ensure nothing was coming loose as it got battered by the elements in the Southern Ocean. In his book ‘Close to the Wind’ he describes how, when something went wrong, he would “put on the kettle and make a cup of tea” while deciding how best to solve it.
Similarly, climbers waiting at Everest’s Base Camp for a break in the bad weather, spend a lot of time drinking tea and chatting with fellow climbers. When the day comes to start their ascent, they put one foot in front of the other over and over again, until they reach their next camp.
From the opposite perspective, I wonder, is there ‘extraordinary’ within the ordinary? After all, ‘ordinary’ doesn’t mean without value. The important thing is to find meaning in the ordinary things we do! It seems to me that relationships are key! Think of the time a parent spends playing with their child, baking, or standing at the side of a football pitch. Or the interactions we have with a colleague at the water cooler. Spending time is not a waste of time and helps build relationships.
The power of purpose
An ordinary day for many people could consist of cups of tea, work meetings on Zoom, sitting in traffic, being a taxi for the kids, housework, shopping, or standing in a queue. But these things can also be an opportunity for connection, conversation, celebration of key moments, contributions at work, affirmation (giving of our precious time), listening, innovation (decorating a room, that project at work or in the garden) In other words, growth - if we have the right purpose.
St. Teresa of Avila was a Spanish noblewoman who loved life and had a spirit of adventure. She gave it up to become the Reformer of the Carmelite Order and was the first woman to be named Doctor of the Church, because of her contribution to the Order, as well as her holiness. Yet she said she found God in the pots and pans! Really?! Did she see his face shining from the bottom of the pan? Or was it that she washed up with a smile (there was no fairy liquid!) out of love for her sisters, without looking for thanks, and offered the effort to God, also out of love?
Where we are, we can be special to the people who matter most, extraordinary in our impact, and we can live ordinary but magnanimous lives. It was the simple, ordinary, yet heroic people who got us through the Covid pandemic – healthcare workers, shop assistants, delivery men, and cleaners. Where would we have been without them? Perhaps you’re thinking, “that still doesn’t sound like much…” but neither is a bunch of dandelions handed to mum in a muddy little hand…and yet that means so much!
Seeing the value in our ‘ordinary’
At the Canonisation ceremony for St. Josemaria, the Founder of Opus Dei, the then Pope John Paul II called him ‘the Saint of ordinary life’ because he preached about holiness in the context of one’s normal daily duties and tasks and spent his life trying to put it into practice every day.
We can aim high too! The French novelist Leon Bloy put it this way: “the only real sadness, the only real failure, the only great tragedy in life…is not to be a saint!” It would be a tragedy not to see the value of what we do every day and to uncover its richness. Because if we don’t, then doing the same things every day could indeed seem flat, monotonous, unappealing, dull, and downright boring! This is not to say that we don’t need explorers of the depths of the ocean or outer space, but we also need ordinary people to discover the value of each ordinary day and to appreciate its potential to change the world!
So, perhaps we could ask ourselves the question: how can I tap more into the potential richness of my ordinary day? It might make all the difference!
This post is an adaptation of a talk given by Jane at a Hearts+Minds overnight event in November. To find out more about upcoming events click here.