It’s our first birthday!

Photo by katie lockyear on Unsplash

It's our first birthday this May 2nd!

Birthdays are to celebrate, to look back at what this last year has brought with it. 

At Hearts + Minds in 2020, we started a conversation with you, our audience. Our topics have been as varied as Self-Doubt, Beauty, Coping with Fear, How to Stay Motivated at Work, Finding Meaning in Illness, Books, How to Reinvent your Marriage, How to Stop getting Frustrated with your Kids.

And yet there is more to any one of you as an individual, than any blog post or podcast can possibly explore. 

What do we live for?

Fyodor Dostoyevsky once said, “the mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” 

As women we live for a lot - work, family, community and more...

Sometimes we wonder what difference we are making. So much of what we do seems like survival, or at best a series of disconnected parts, something which we might (if we are lucky) make sense of later! 

Without a doubt, we are all unique individuals with unique experiences. 

But as women don’t we need to find purpose and meaning in what we do?

Days of frenetic activity are also moments in history when the feminine genius unfolds.  Therein lies the mystery that enshrines every individual woman.

How often we don't even see - not to mention acknowledge - the feminine genius that is in each of us. 

St. John Paul II gave thanks precisely for this in his Letter to Women

“Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman. Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic.” 

It is good that we give ourselves permission to explore what this statement could possibly mean for us individually.

What insight do we bring?

A good place to start could be the insights or qualities women bring to the workplace. Among the top 10 qualities cited are flexibility, effective communication, collaborative work effort, emotional intelligence, a healthy work-life balance, and honesty. 

We may recognise ourselves in some of these qualities, but maybe feel we are well off the mark in others.  

In his book, Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, the author John Gray suggests that because a woman is primarily concerned with relationships, love, connection, and beauty, her sense of self is centred around her ability to nurture others, communicate her feelings, and build quality relationships. As a result, these values are reflected in everything she says and does.

A mother’s ability to diffuse an argument, refocus attention at the dinner table, and subtly prevent a war in the house was something we took for granted as a child.

As adults, we can acknowledge this type of emotional intelligence and the ability for effective communication as nothing short of heroic. 

Is that not something to be proud of and seek to emulate in ourselves in the boardroom, with a bunch of friends, or in a relationship?

As we listen with curiosity (instead of point-scoring), as we value the connection in a conversation, and try and consolidate those fraught relationships, are we not indeed bringing our unique insight into play for the better of the other person?  

The person matters - before the project, before the pleasure of winning the argument, or the personal comfort of indifference. 

How do we enrich understanding? 

We possibly don’t need studies to tell us that which we know from our own life experience.

We women communicate differently, behave differently, and have different emotional buttons. (This is not to say that there are many men out there who can show that same sensitivity and genius). We tend to go beyond the literal and factual and explore context and the web of relationships at play. 

In our Guest podcast series, we have heard so many echoes of precisely this.

Denise Mahony’s focus on the dignity of each person kept her hope alive as she worked on relief efforts in the wake of the 2010 Haitian earthquake. 

Dr. Marta Rocchi reminded us of the importance of acceptance as one of the keys to happiness and flourishing.

Lissy Clement in her search for her roots confronted the truth of her life, and fearlessly changed her lifestyle to reflect those core values. 

Jennifer Kehoe faced the challenge of communicating with a child to discover the 5 love languages, and the revolution it wrought in her relationships and communication.  

The ability of these women to put the person – the essential thing – up front is striking. They confronted the challenge and found the answers and solutions they needed. They did not bask in the comfort of indifference but confronted the responsibility that came with personal relationships.

Their journeys can enrich our understanding of the meaning and purpose of life and might aid us in finding the answers to questions that assail us in life.  

How do we make relations more honest and authentic? 

Perhaps more than men, women acknowledge the person, because they see each person through the eyes of the heart.  The heart sees the greatness and limitations in each person. Fortunately, perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships. Instead, to love someone is to acknowledge the goodness of who they are.

How often we discover that it is only in loving a person we awaken their awareness of their own innate goodness. Acceptance and unconditional love allow us to be the person we are and not try to be a version of someone else. 

As John Gray would suggest, “It is as though they cannot know how worthy they are until they look into the mirror of our love and see themselves”. 

Isn’t that the essence of honest and authentic relationships?