Is forgiveness possible?

Photo by Josh Withers on Unsplash

To err is human, to forgive divine is a phrase written by Alexander Pope in the 17th century. It strikes a chord within us as we recognise our tendency to make mistakes, while at the same time finding it difficult to forgive others.

There are any number of offences which require forgiveness, towels left on the bathroom floor again, an insensitive comment or word, an act of rebellion from a teenager often primed to have maximum effect, frustrations with the general public, the boss’s unrealistic expectations. When you combine those with tiredness, hunger, stress, fatigue, your own frustrations, is it any wonder that being around other humans is just sometimes plain hard?

Part and parcel of being human is that we will offend, irritate, and sin against others, sometimes especially those we love the most. 

What are we to do in situations like these? 

Reason away our behaviour with excuses?

Smother the guilt away with excess? 

Buy our way back into someone’s good books?

 Or Maybe…Ask for forgiveness perhaps?

Can I forgive someone if they’re not really sorry? Should I forgive someone if they’re just going to do it all over again? Or what if I did forgive someone, but I can’t forget, and I’m carrying a grudge against that person.

Saying ‘I forgive you’ is loaded with so much emotion.

Forgiveness is a huge deal. When do we give it? When do we ask for it? What should happen next?

Unsurprisingly the Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness and nearly all of it is hard! We are to forgive our brother “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18 v 21, 22) which means that if they keep coming back and saying sorry, we are to forgive! 

‘We are to forgive others so that God will forgive us, according to the prayer that Jesus taught His disciples to pray’ (Matthew 6 14-15). 

‘The people of God are encouraged to be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you’ (Ephesians 4:32).

It certainly seems that the New Testament writers had a good understanding of human relationships and the need for forgiveness.

What about when something happens which was premeditated and deliberate, an act of evil which results in consequences which can’t be undone or changed? Is forgiveness possible then? 

The following two people speak meaningfully on the subject of forgiveness based on their own experiences. I’ll leave the final word with them.

Gordon Wilson

Gordon Wilson’s 20-year-old daughter, Marie, died in the IRA Enniskillen bombing in 1987. He spoke to the reporter words which reverberated north and south across the island of Ireland. He said 

“I bear no ill will. I bear no grudge. Dirty sort of talk is not going to bring her back to life”. 

This modest Christian man extended forgiveness to those who had robbed him of his daughter’s life on that day, and for all future days to come. He continued to work towards peace and reconciliation until his death in 1995.

Corrie Ten Boom

Author of The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom recalls forgiving a Guard at the concentration camp where her sister had died.

During World War II, Corrie, along with her sister Betsie, were incarcerated in Ravensbruck concentration camp. They both suffered brutally at the hands of the camp guards. 

In 1947, she travelled from Holland to Germany to give a speech about God’s forgiveness.  At the end of her talk, a Guard who had been in the camp approached her to thank her for the message. He had changed and become a Christian.  God had forgiven him. Would she forgive him too? 

She writes the following:

“I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion… Forgiveness is an act of the will…

“Jesus, help me!” I prayed silently…

And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“I forgive you, brother!” I cried. “With all my heart!”

“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.

And having thus learned to forgive in this hardest of situations, I never again had difficulty in forgiving.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned at 80 years of age, it’s that I can’t store up good feelings and behaviour–but only draw them fresh from God each day.”   (The Hiding Place (1971)).