My top 5 parenting lessons I wish I knew sooner!

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I grew up looking after kids. In my extended family, there were always kids knocking about - there still is even to this day! With so many children about, it meant that once I reached 8 years old or so I was put in charge of entertaining the little ones, along with my older cousins.

As I grew into my teens, I spent most weekends babysitting. I took care of the most inspiring, wonderful children; some were direct family and some felt like family. I always thought then that if the time ever came for me to have children, I’d have it all sewn up. I would know exactly what to do in every situation; windy babies, scraped knees, dirty nappies, clingy children, awkward questions - I had experienced it all!

Expectations versus reality

With all that experience, why did I suddenly feel so lost when I had my own children? What I didn’t realise was that there was so much I didn’t know. And the reality of having children of your own is a lot different to the babysitting experience I had. There were times when I wished someone had let me in on a few secrets … that things really would be different.

Here are the top 5 parenting lessons I wish someone had told me.

1. All kids are different

I'm an only child so I always hoped I would have more than one child if I ever was lucky enough to have children. Now, with two kids, this lesson has really hit home. Chalk and cheese is an understatement! They come from the same stock. They are reared in the same house. They were born in the same hospital, both by c-section. Yet they are poles apart in every way - one would wonder if they were related at all!

This is a marvel, yes, but when it came to parenting, it left us stumped. We have had to parent our two girls in two very different ways. What works for one does not always work for the other. So not only do you have to be ahead of the curve, there are two curves to master!

That said, seeing their differences and watching them complement each other and help each other grow has been a real privilege. For me, as an only child, it is a real treat to see them interacting and finding their places in our little family.

2. Accept help when it's offered

Referring back to my early days minding other people’s children; I thought I knew it all when my own came. This meant that I found it difficult to ask for and accept help. 

It was going fine at first, I was flying it. I was on top of the laundry and the housework, my baby daughter was sleeping and feeding well. It all seemed to fall into place. I did, however, eventually burn out. 

I really don’t think there is a better phrase than “it takes a village to raise a child." My advice to any new parent would be: find your village and allow them to help. I am so lucky that I have so many friends, neighbours and family members who are only delighted to help out in any way they can. 

So now, instead of letting my pride and ego get in the way, I make way for an easier life and accept babysitting offers, cooked dinners and shopping trips.

3. Life suddenly gets very busy

I remember thinking in the early days of parenthood that I was determined my life was not going to change. I was just going to continue living as I had before and the baby would just fit in … and it did go well - for the first while. 

I was so lucky with my first baby; she had a good temperament and was happy to be pushed around in the buggy, sit in a high chair at a cafe and generally just be ferried around as I caught up with friends.

I did find it more difficult though, as she got older. Suddenly, we had early nights midweek because she was up early for preschool. Then came primary school, and all the extracurricular activities pinned onto the end of the school day. All of a sudden I found myself picking up or dropping off. And that is now my life midweek.

A little warning of this would have helped for sure, but I hit the ground running and haven’t looked back. I haven’t had the chance!

4. They don’t stay small forever

I think I speak for most parents when I say we wish their lives away. I often find myself saying “It’ll be easier when …. she’s on solids … when she starts school … when we can get rid of the stroller.”

But sometimes all this talk can make us miss what is actually there in front of us. It’s important to remember that no matter what stage of parenting you’re at, there’s always a difficult part. So wishing this stage away is not necessarily going to make things easier. 

So I try to enjoy the stage they are at now. Especially if they are very small. It means that as I gradually let go of them and they make their own way in the world, I feel like I’ve had a great time with them already and it will be nice to share them.

However, I try not to look back too much on my kids’ life before now. I really enjoy looking forward to their lives ahead of them. What kind of friends will they have? How will they develop spiritually? What kind of job will they have? Will they travel? Will they party? Will they have children of their own? It’s probably fair to say that most parents are torn between the past, present and the future. 

5. Try not to do too much

Life is busy. Sometimes we can overbook ourselves and look back at the end of the week and not remember one thing we did. 

I think with kids, it’s important not to schedule too many planned activities. It can mean that there is no time to just hang out, reflect or chat about the day that’s been. 

I love this downtime with my family. Sometimes we stay in our pyjamas and watch a movie, make a jigsaw or read stories. It means that when the time comes again to rush somewhere, we’ve had a bit of a recharge and we’re good to go. 

I did find this out the hard way, though, and after feeling like I was chasing my tail, I cancelled a few plans and we just relaxed. It has benefited us all hugely.

Be careful what you wish for?

So all in all, there are a few things that, at first, I wish someone had told me so that I could be forewarned and forearmed. However, I found my mind wandering and pondering as I wrote this blog … life is a series of mistakes and lessons. Maybe it’s good that we muddle through and find our own way to deal with all these bumps in the parenting road? It’s all part of the journey.