Am I unravelling?
“I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks, and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.”
“I think we need to hit the reset button”, a former colleague of mine used to say when things got a bit too much at our job. I have pressed my reset button so many times since and will probably continue to press it on a regular basis into the future.
Life unravels for me all the time. I tend to despair at the loss of control, at losing a grip on life. It clouds my judgement, causes me to overthink and warps my sense of reality. I’m very lucky to have people around me who I can talk to and can ground me and give me a little perspective.
“Unravelling” for me can be anything from a loved one passing away to a mild disruption in my schedule. It can sometimes feel like I’m not doing very well at this parenting/adulting thing and that it will all fall apart. Although, I’m not really sure what “it” falling apart looks like.
I can’t count the amount of sleepy-eyed, panicked mornings trying to get my 3-year-old daughter out the door in time so I could get to work. These manic, frustrating incidents would get my day off to an extremely bad start, causing me to feel like I’m incapable or it’s too much for me.
This is where my reset button comes in. I just begin again. I start fresh, a clean slate. It helps me try harder at the next task of the day instead of writing the day off as a lost cause. Sometimes, it’s difficult to press the reset button (I don’t just suddenly feel fine and start smiling!), but sometimes just knowing that I will press it at some stage helps me get through a tough morning, day, week or month.
What took me a long time to realise is that sometimes it’s ok to say “Today is a bad day, I’ll start fresh tomorrow”.
